Insufficient Hormones

I've been depressed for being sick. I hate to think that I have to sustain the level of the hormones in my body for life time. Drinking the Doctor's prescribed medicines is like making myself so vulnerable of feeling of being so awful having this stance. There were times that it was consistent three consecutive days that I always find myself waking up 2am in the morning just to cry and having the reason of my neck is aching. When I started to cry the passed memories were appearing clearly somewhat like flash backings of all the painful past experiences. And yes! it's the thing we called depression.

We go back to our Doctor my mother accompanied me. I can't get rid the tears run down in my checks. It something like, so nice to cry always my nose were congested due to crying. The Doctor thought that I have running nose and he laughed when I told him that it was due to my unstoppable crying. I told him that why is it I used to cry and felt so depress, then he answered. Your neck is aching because you have thyroiditis, due to insufficient hormones you will become irritable, depress, up down temperature and etc.

He prescribed me pain reliever and steroids plus he increases the dosage of my hormones. The doctors prescribed medicines makes me more depress when I think of the steroids, do I really need to take up those?... I have lots of choice not to but I need to follow for my own betterment.

Despite this agony of being unwell, I am still blessed for having the people who love me and I love to fight my illness. I am looking forward to become well and do the things that I need to do in my life.

Trust

What is trust?

When I scanned to the web of wiki... Trust is the reliance to another person or entity.

In the dictionary, Trust is the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence in authority is  placed. 

I brought this topic for as I have an issue on this..... As a psychology student, I was engrossed to find out of why is this so and also for the cure of this kind of dilemma but sad to know that it wasn't resolved yet. Studying the topic of Erik Erikson the Trust Vs. Mistrust which is the infant's actual experiences and attachments to mother or maternal equivalent through this stage have a fundamental effect on the unconscious mind and thereby on deep feelings.

Well this might be the reasons:

I have lack of attachment on my mom. When I interrogate her about my babyhood she said, 

"I have work by then when you were young I almost don't have time to take care of you. Your older brother and sister took my place. " 

As I traced back her childhood. She wasn't attached to her mom when she was young. Might be, it was in their way of upbringing that happened to pass to the next generation. Hope it will not happen to my own....  

I'm trying to regress and patch up my relationship to my mother. Trying to be close to her but she seemed so cold, hard for her to show affection, no wonder why I have this kind of personality. My friends perceived me a strictly looking yet nice friend... at least got a little bit consultation of appreciation.  :-) 

As of now?... Trust? its hard for me to trust anybody. One of the reason why can't stick to an close intimate partnership. I can't blame my self but trying to resolve it...

I don't want to believe on the statement about "You cannot give what you don't have". But in my case I almost believe. Hope also that I can go through this struggling inner self of mine. I as I face to my every day life.